Monday, May 31, 2010

About bad days, ploting and stuff you won't find in the evening news.

Everywhere you look there is a plot waiting to be discovered: that skin-chilling article in the paper, the car that sped at the red light, the happy family arguing right in front of the coco puffs in the cereal’s row at the supermarket. In our everyday life, even on this wonderful holiday. Even in our own office. Even us.
We could be our next best character yet and we don’t know.
Allow me to elaborate.
And now, I don’t write thrillers or crime or mystery. I like to think of myself as an aspiring YA fantasy writer. But man! Maybe a YA thriller could be interesting?
This distinction made, let’s just go ahead and describe my wonderful  (I have no words here to express it, not even with irony) Memorial Day, shall we?

First of all, God dang it! I have to work, cos’ I’ve escaped the claws of waitressing finding myself a good job in my specialty (marketing), but oh my! The place is open 362 days of the year. And we work holidays, *curses under her breath* and get some extra personal days, to take whenever.
Of course many took a personal day, but not me cos’ I’m brand new and still don’t have any *mutters ‘I should have call in sick’*. To make the numbers clear for ya, out of twenty directors and managers only five upper management (I really hate the word upper and don’t get me started on management!) representatives are in the office, this are the experts actually responsible for all the other fifty souls working and the potential thousand visitors. Among these visitors at least sixty five percent are children under the age of eight. And I am one of the upper. Great.
On a regular basis I am pretty proud of my job.
On a day like today, I just hate that I have to be here.
I get in at 9am. By 9.01 I wanted to get out. But hey! No, wait! You are responsible for the rest of the world in here, so let’s discuss our strategy and check the procedures.
I’m never going to understand the sick twisted mind behind a bomb threat. A bomb threat to a children’s facility, well, it’s like someone is trying to teach Latin to an iguana. Incomprehensible.
There’s a bit of commotion and thank goodness I don’t have to be running the show, because there’s and upper upper me, so I’m good collaborating with the police and following orders.
Relieve washes our exhausted faces, like huge waves in the Australian shore, when we realize it was all a prank, an hoax.
But unfortunately, but then the place is closed, we lost business and worst of all a lot of kids had to get back in their cars, sobbing over all the fun they are not going to have cos’ some big asshole (please excuse my French) decided to play terrorist!
Good news is no one got hurt. Good news is we had the steel to control the situation. The phrase ‘better be safe than sorry’ never, ever had the weight that it had this morning.
I just wish the police find the prick, and I wish so fervently this were a situation in a book, where the kids go all James Patterson over this villain.
I so would love that.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What's the most bizarre voicemail you ever got?

Things I wonder:
Just like any curious person, sometimes I have more questions in my head than answers. Unfortunately, not everything in this life is as simple as a reply or an explanation.
For example,
Simple question: How do I cook a nice bbq?
Simple answer: Call my dad, and enjoy truly Argentinean asado.
Simple question: should I stop trying to untangle the mysteries of the English language and go to school?
Simple answer: Yes woman! Get yourself a nice, shinny degree in English Literature right now!
Simple question: Should I kill (victimless of course, but you get the picture) my bbf Ana for playing ‘practical jokes’ (not really she actually did this as a ‘nice thing to do’ for me, and doesn’t deserve to die, but still) on me on the phone?
Not so simple answer: YES! Ahem… maybe not. *still plots evil plan*

Now I know by heart that our “real life friends” feel neglected and set aside due to our obsessive ostracism *checks twitter, blogger, facebook and works on her WIP*
It’s pointless to explain to your friends that “you are not an oyster you are a ninja!” (I really hope that the term oyster and ostracism is related in English the same way it’s in Spanish *checks google translator*) But to go all the way into invasion of privacy? That’s a whole different matter.
Let me explain further.

Me: *jogging back home after nice run on the bridge* (phone rings, Ana’s name and picture is displayed in the crapberry). “uff, not now! I can’t even breathe!”

Ana: *goes to voicemail*

Of course as a responsible friend, I listen to the voicemail right away, in case her house happens to be on fire. (Believe me, it could happen).

Voicemail: “Hello there!” (NOT ANA’S SWEET VOICE)

Me: *thinking actually, not on the phone with some dude I don’t even know!* Who are you and what did you do to my friend!

Voicemail: “This is Kobe (I’m sure that’s not his name, but a type of hamburger meat). “I’m a friend of Ana’s and she said you are cool and don’t have a boyfriend (you think?). It would be cool to meet sometime, maybe for a movie or some drinks, eh?

Me: *again thinking* WTF? #$%#!@#$*

Voicemail: “Well, give me a call, no pressure, *gives phone number* , let’s just, umm, you know, keep it real.”

Me: ….(…)

Voicemail: “yeah! Call me anytime, she showed me your picture, you look ok.” (WHAT? This is what I get for living in South Beach.)

Me: *keeps jogging while plotting evil plan to kill Ana and destroy the universe* (Believe me wanted to!)

I sipped my crapberry back into my pocket and went home to talk to Nalah. Yes, after this kind of bizarre pseudo phone no-conversation, I needed a friendly talk, or slimy kiss, you know, from my dog.

I texted my friend, “I appreciate the effort, thanks but no thanks.” Poured a glass of red wine and went back to the magical world of my book, where characters keep it real and people actually meet first.

Tell me fellow writers, what’s the most bizarre voicemail you ever got?

Good writing everybody!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

My take. Not really, I swear Nalah made me do it!

Sumario of my day:
  • Marketing budget (boooooring)
  • Magazine advertising contract *wants to cry about budget*
  • Pretend I’m updating company blog but actually checking up my fellow bloggers Update company's blog.
  • Tweet all over  Update company's tweets.
  • Send my Facebook friends lots of love and play Farmville Check company's Facebook messages.
  • Research for trendy material for new plot for my book company’s new advertising campaign.
  • Jog, (yeah right! Walk sweet Nalah).
  • Prepare dinner Blog,

During my extensive marketing research this afternoon, haha, I came across these wonderful quotes from famous writers, and here’s my take on their awesomeness of advice and take on life. (there’s no animosity (Not trying to hurt anybody’s feelings here!) involved, I just thought it be fun to share)

I keep six honest serving men. (They taught me all I know); Their names are What and Why and When and How and Where and Who.
- Rudyard Kipling
These are my writing coach's friends as well! I wonder when is she going to introduce them! *sigh*

Agatha Christie has given more pleasure in bed than any other woman.
- Nancy Banks-Smith
Ata girl!

An original writer is not one who imitates nobody, but one whom nobody can imitate.
- Francois Rene De Chateaubriand
Dang it! I gotta quit tryin’ to imitate Stephanie Meyer?

I am being frank about myself in this book. I tell of my first mistake on page 850.
- Henry Kissinger

Haha, you go #mriknowitall!

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist.
- Anonymous
Who said anything about talking dude, we write! Usually I’m mute…NOT!

Make'em laugh; make 'em cry; make 'em wait.
-Charles Reade

The pen is mightier than the sword.
- Edward Bulwer-Lytton
We are ninjas dude! Swords are necessary.

There are three difficulties in authorship: to write anything worth the publishing, to find honest men to publish it, and to get sensible men to read it.
- C. C. Colton
You think?

Writers aren't exactly people, they're a whole lot of people trying to be one person.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
Oh! You mean I don’t have a multiple personally disorder, well, that’s a piece of good news.

Writing is not a profession but a vocation of unhappiness.
- Georges Simenon
Now you tell me? *sobbing*

All a writer has to do to get a woman is to say he's a writer. It's an aphrodisiac.
- Saul Bellow
Holy Guacamole! Girls don’t try this! Guys only think we are super-geek-ninjas-high-on-coffee!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Oprah has faith in me.


You fellow-writers out there blog everyday, on the hour!
For me this is very nerve-racking…and new.
I have no idea what to write.
This is not a WIP.
I am the only character.
Where’s the dang plot?
Where is this story going?
No villain? It doesn’t make any sense without the bad guy.
*sobbing, rubbing my eyes, thinking about getting a glass of wine to release tension*
This is what I think and why I admire all of you, crazy wonderful bloggers out there.
I wrote my first novel. Had a lot fun doing it. Wrote a 2nd one and working on my 3rd.
But my first novel? My cousin loved it. She LOVED my book! Too bad she is NOT an agent.
But the truth is… my book is still in my computer, under a file called DREAMS. The poor little thing is already a year old and didn’t see the light yet…it may never see the light. *calling my cousin to ask her if she really liked my book for the eleventh time this month*
Now you see it?
I do…(OMG! I think I’m going to be sick…)
And this is my 3rd post! And I didn’t realize THIS until now.
Now I better really start pouring that wine!
I’m going to press send here and it will be out there!
That’s what it’s all about. Right? To send our wonderfulness out there!
I feel like I’m famous already!
I’m already imagining my first interview…

Oprah-   “Well, tell me Jck. How did it all start? Was it a dream? Was it your imagination?”
Me-    *wishing I hadn’t had a thick accent* “Oh…In the beginning it was very tough. You see, it was just Simon.”
Oprah-   “You thought of Simon?”
Me-   “No,no” *tears, Oprah can’t understand my accent, ay Dios mio!* “I meant it was difficult, I only had one follower, Simon.”
Oprah-    “Yeah, but now you are famous.”
Me-    “Oh, I don’t know…” *trying to look like I’m not full of it*
Oprah-   “How many followers do you have now?”
Me-    “I think somewhere around eighty thousand.”
Oprah-   “oh! Half of what I have!”
Me-    *not looking very happy at the moment* “I know, I’m getting there.” (evil grin)
Oprah-    “I’m sure with all this media and attention you snatched an agent, right? Tell us  his name!”
(Long pause, I think it’s time to wake up, no more day dreaming! And no more wine!)
Me-    *making a perfect Bella Swan replication, 10,000 blinks, 7,000 lip licking* (gasp) “NO”

Off to play with Nalah for a while, she needs a walk like crazy.

Monday, May 17, 2010

OH! MY GOD!!! I have a follower!

I really can't get into it right now cos' I'm at the office and they really don't like it when people blog. (I heard really bad things can happen to you if they catch you).

But' I'm so thrilled I have a follower that I couldn’t stop myself. Guilt-trip! I work…on company time… and company money. Well, somehow I don’t feel that bad, mmm

Simon please feel free to comment! And I promise I won't ever again make you the villain in my stories.

Mi casa es su casa, amigo! Have a glass of vodka on the rocks!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Do NOT Miss This Contest is OH! So! Wonderful!

Do not miss Tahereh Mind Blowing Contest!

Dear T: Here I am blogging about your Contest, but I don't have any followers yet. Should I buy you a cupcake?

It's never too late.

Well, I guess it's time now, finally! I've been around here for like a year. Leaving comments and being lucky to page land at some wonderful, useful and funny blogs.

But never thought I was actually going to get all itchy to write something and start my own!
Truth is my twitter is a total failure, (I have only five followers), I didn't want to blog-crash my page here as well. But Oh! Well, here we go.
First one it's always the harder.
Like a first kiss.
Here are a few questions you may apply to both. First kiss and first blog entry:
  • Why am I doing this? (Because OMG! It feels so good!)
  • Should I close my eyes? (Blank Page!)
  • Am I doing it right? (No! this is so not funny!)
  • Did he really want to kiss me? (Please read my blog.)
  • Should I keep doing it? (I can’t breathe!)
  • What if he doesn’t like it? (Five followers people! FIVE, and three are coworkers.)
  • Should I do it again? (I know I want to.)

So there you go, see.

And I’m going to do it again.