Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What's the most bizarre voicemail you ever got?

Things I wonder:
Just like any curious person, sometimes I have more questions in my head than answers. Unfortunately, not everything in this life is as simple as a reply or an explanation.
For example,
Simple question: How do I cook a nice bbq?
Simple answer: Call my dad, and enjoy truly Argentinean asado.
Simple question: should I stop trying to untangle the mysteries of the English language and go to school?
Simple answer: Yes woman! Get yourself a nice, shinny degree in English Literature right now!
Simple question: Should I kill (victimless of course, but you get the picture) my bbf Ana for playing ‘practical jokes’ (not really she actually did this as a ‘nice thing to do’ for me, and doesn’t deserve to die, but still) on me on the phone?
Not so simple answer: YES! Ahem… maybe not. *still plots evil plan*

Now I know by heart that our “real life friends” feel neglected and set aside due to our obsessive ostracism *checks twitter, blogger, facebook and works on her WIP*
It’s pointless to explain to your friends that “you are not an oyster you are a ninja!” (I really hope that the term oyster and ostracism is related in English the same way it’s in Spanish *checks google translator*) But to go all the way into invasion of privacy? That’s a whole different matter.
Let me explain further.

Me: *jogging back home after nice run on the bridge* (phone rings, Ana’s name and picture is displayed in the crapberry). “uff, not now! I can’t even breathe!”

Ana: *goes to voicemail*

Of course as a responsible friend, I listen to the voicemail right away, in case her house happens to be on fire. (Believe me, it could happen).

Voicemail: “Hello there!” (NOT ANA’S SWEET VOICE)

Me: *thinking actually, not on the phone with some dude I don’t even know!* Who are you and what did you do to my friend!

Voicemail: “This is Kobe (I’m sure that’s not his name, but a type of hamburger meat). “I’m a friend of Ana’s and she said you are cool and don’t have a boyfriend (you think?). It would be cool to meet sometime, maybe for a movie or some drinks, eh?

Me: *again thinking* WTF? #$%#!@#$*

Voicemail: “Well, give me a call, no pressure, *gives phone number* , let’s just, umm, you know, keep it real.”

Me: ….(…)

Voicemail: “yeah! Call me anytime, she showed me your picture, you look ok.” (WHAT? This is what I get for living in South Beach.)

Me: *keeps jogging while plotting evil plan to kill Ana and destroy the universe* (Believe me wanted to!)

I sipped my crapberry back into my pocket and went home to talk to Nalah. Yes, after this kind of bizarre pseudo phone no-conversation, I needed a friendly talk, or slimy kiss, you know, from my dog.

I texted my friend, “I appreciate the effort, thanks but no thanks.” Poured a glass of red wine and went back to the magical world of my book, where characters keep it real and people actually meet first.

Tell me fellow writers, what’s the most bizarre voicemail you ever got?

Good writing everybody!


  1. LOOOL,


    I was 15 at the time...


  2. OMG MIA! Thank you so much! My first award! I'm so happy!!!!*does victory dance while coworkers call the nuts patrol*


    SO, to take it and post it where you pleases you can either right click "save image as" on the picture and then upload it to your blog OR click copy link location and then select the URL option when putting it on your bloggins

    *mops brow* PHEW, that was complex. But hopefully makes sense ??

  4. Ha ha ha. I popped over from Mia's blog to congratulate you on your award. Great post! :-)

  5. Hey! Thank you Shannon! I'll post something about the award soon :)

  6. The most weird voice mail I ever got was from my best friend, Sandra, after the entire city of Lake Charles was evacuated except for emergency workers like the blood courier I was and still am.

    Some two weeks passed as I drove the nightmare streets of New Orleans delivering rare blood to the hospitals there. Then, one day I noticed I had a voice mail message. It was from Sandra {think Bette Midler with pepper and salt hair.}

    "Are you dead? If the answer is yes, don't take this the wrong way, but don't answer this voice mail. I've been through too much to add being haunted on top of it. If you are alive, please disregard what I just said."

    That's Sandra for you. And I really needed the smile she gave me that particular day, Roland

  7. My oh my! Roland, that was a very funny, in a very kind of scary bizarre way, voicemail!

  8. The guy leaving the message that says "I saw your picture, you look ok" is KLASS with a K.

    Way to woo a lady!